Joe Jonas, Sophie Turner and the truth about long engagements and relationship success

Can you accurately predict the demise of a marriage based off one piece of information?

Some TikTokers swear the answer is yes – and the secret lies in how long the relationship goes on before there's a wedding. In one video, viewed 1.2 million times, user @ceciliaregina275 insists that Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner's relationship, for example, was giving "shut up ring vibes" before their split, meaning they only got married after years of waiting. The theory is that a marriage is doomed if the partner who proposed did so to placate their betrothed, rather than out of a desire to marry them.

So, is there any truth to this viral claim? Relationship and couples therapists say it may not be totally off-base.

"It really is going to be unique to each relationship," says Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "But the fact that anybody would do it and try to get away with it − and they might even get away with it − says a lot about their character, and it's not good."

Joe Jonas, Sophie Turner and the conversation about shut up rings

A hallmark of a shut up ring, @ceciliaregina275 says, is a lengthy engagement − and she claims the theory is backed by pop culture.

Take Jonas and Turner for instance, she says, who announced their divorce in September. Their engagement lasted two years.

In reality, experts say it's impossible to know someone's intentions for a relationship unless you have a direct conversation with them about it. They say it's also more important to look at your partner's behavior in the relationship over time rather than the length of the relationship itself.

"You have to look at, overall, what's the track history of this person in this relationship in terms of being honest and open in general," Brown says. "Oftentimes, if you've got a good rapport and you've got a good history of trust with your partner, then (a shut up ring) may be less likely."

If you are worried your partner gave you a shut up ring, then it's time to have an honest talk with them about your feelings regarding marriage. It's important in these conversations to be gentle yet firm in your standards.

"I would advise somebody to just ask and say, 'I just really want to understand what this ring means, because I know in my head what I want and what I hope it means, but I know you could be on a different page than me, so can we sit and talk about this?' " licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman says.

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Are there good reasons for delaying marriage?

The key is to figure out is why your partner has taken a while to propose or why they seem to be delaying a wedding after proposing. Sometimes, there are valid reasons.

For instance, many people prefer to hold off on a wedding until they've become financially stable enough to support a marriage and family. This, however, doesn't mean they aren't serious about their relationship.

It's a different issue if your partner is hiding behind fake excuses to put off tying the knot.

"It's one thing to say, 'I want to marry this person, I have a plan, I have intentions to do that, but there's just some things I need to clean up and some things I need to order,' " marriage and family therapist Kiaundra Jackson says. "Versus, 'I've been with you for eight years, and I really don't know if I ever want to get married or if I want to marry you.' That is a massive red flag to me."

Another red flag, she says, is if someone wants to rush into marriage too soon. This can happen due to familial or societal pressure.

It's also important that both you and your partner are psychologically ready to handle the ups and downs of married life. If you're not, it's probably best to hold off on marriage while you work on yourselves.

If your partner is dead-set against marriage, however, and you know that's a deal-breaker, then it's probably best to part ways.

"Having self-awareness is super important in these circumstances," Feuerman says. "What is a real reason that is 'I can't really afford it' or something like that, versus 'I have a lot of mixed feelings about marriage.' "

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